My birthday is this coming Friday! I love and hate when my birthday comes around each year. Usually around March I wish I had an early birthday so that I could celebrate with my friends. But then again I like having low key birthdays with just my closest friends and family. I always have a solid team with me each year. I know who I can count on to show up. Whereas I feel with a birthday during the school year you spend each birthday with different strangers who you are acquainted with at the time. Both are nice but I am content with my birthday situation regarding time placement 🙂
However, it scares me to think of time and age. I hate aging. No matter what anyone tells me I think its the worst thing in the world. Each year is so precious and I wish they could all last a little longer. I feel like every few days my age changes for the worse. I know age can be good because it implies life experience but why can’t the life experience I have now last me through the rest of life. 19-year-old mindset is nice, its free, its careless, its adventurous, its dangerous. I love that.
Any who, I plan to start a new chapter on Friday. I am turning over a new leaf. I am purging my life of all things negative. Everything bad and down-bringing needs to go. Birthdays are a perfect time for this because a new age means a new chance for new experiences. I want to start my twenties off on the right foot. I want to make good decisions and live a positive and optimistic life with out the stress of anyone bringing me down. I can not wait to mentally remove all the negative people and things out of my life when I personally start my new chapter. I will be completely new. Anyone who doesn’t want to join my journey can just watch! I mean it. I always aim to purge and clean my life but sometimes feelings and attachment gets in the way. This time I need to follow through for me. There are no excuses any more. I am putting myself first. Sometimes I make the mistake of putting others before myself. I think of this as selfless acts. I enjoy helping and catering to others. It makes me feel good inside. But the trouble and negativity comes when people abuse your kindness and offerings and don’t reciprocate the respect and love you deserve. In my new life chapter this will not exist. I will be kind to others but just kind enough. I am going to remember that I come first. I can not help others before I have been helped. It’s just like what they tell you on the airplanes: don’t help others around you get their oxygen mask before you have yours on. It makes sense how can I help someone breathe if I cannot breathe myself. I have promised myself that I will follow through. This is the 20th chapter and it will be the best start to the next decade of chapters. I’ll keep you guys updated on how my journey and plan goes!